Who I Was... a story of past lives
It was dark. I couldn't see anything. I knew I was still me, a person in my own body but, it was not this body. I didn't get very far in this regression but, I could see clearly that I was a man, with man hands, man feet, leather sandals with straps that wrapped around my legs and a skirt with a zig-zag kind of hemline. And then it was gone...
I had scheduled a past life regression with Vanessa and it was coming up. I desperately wanted it to be successful so I decided to try a guided meditation from Mira Kelley as a trial run. I had never done any type of regression so, in my mind it made sense. This was still all new to me and I had all of the doubts people seemed to have... would I be able to do it, is it even possible to do... I didn't get any further but, I could see I WAS in him, the man with the sandals and zig-zag skirt. It should have been a very strange sensation, to look out your own eyes and see a body that is not your own. But, with my past experiences of remote viewing and astral traveling (more about that later) it didn't actually seem that weird to me.
Several days later, Vanessa and were off to a bumpy start. I scheduled our session for a time when the kids were in school and Rob was away but, I was nervous and couldn't relax. I was getting frustrated so, of course, that's when the pest control man knocked on the door and the dogs went crazy. Four dogs barking at the same time can make it hard to focus. It was so ridiculous, all we could do was laugh but it was the shift I needed.
We had already discussed the connection I felt with certain men in my life; Actor, Spouse, Instigator and Twin, and they were to be the focal point of the session. I needed to know, had I really shared past lives with them? Why did I feel so connected to them? What was I meant to be learning from all of this?
After the commotion, we tried again. It felt different from the way I was able to "see" during the recorded meditation. This was more like looking through a window. I was not 'in' the person as I was before, but rather outside looking in, watching a scene play out that was both in front of my eyes and inside my head at the same time. It was an image I'd seen in my mind several times but never thought it might have been a past life. It was a small, well kept cottage at the edge of a field. To the right was a small stream with woods beyond. The furniture inside was simple. I could feel the care that had gone in to it's creation. A handmade broom was leaning against the wall, a gift from him on her last birthday. Her name was Susanna. He was Amand. He was the Twin. Their daughter Elizabeth, appeared to be about six, with dark blonde braids down her back.
He did not look as he does in this life, yet I knew it was him. He was taller, more muscular yet there was still kind of a gangly grace about him. His features were darker, more angular than the boy I knew, as though he wore the mask of Armand over the face I remembered. It was like looking at a painting, a moment frozen in time. In an instant, everything changed.
Suddenly, I was IN the picture! My nostrils filled with the rich aroma of trees and I WAS Susanna! He turned, wrapping me in his arms and I literally felt the strength of him around me. She lay her head on his chest in a movement that felt unbelievably familiar. The wool of his shirt scrubbed my cheek and I was lost to a sense of peace and joy I had never felt before. I could feel him, I felt the contours of his back as much as I was able to feel the love between them. It was so real but, as I moved forward in Susanna's life he faded away.
During this regression, I did not know where he went but, through other regressions, I learned he'd been conscripted and called away for war. When we were no longer able to stay in the cottage, Elizabeth and I went to live with my sister in a nearby town. Susanna never remarried, she held him in her heart, next to the that hope he'd someday return to her. I felt the depth of her loss and I wondered, was it really a true recollection, or a wish of the human mind? In all honesty, I'm not that creative and the details I was able to access, the feelings of love and warmth, convinced me it was real. Susanna died in her 40's, her sister and an older Elizabeth, holding her hands. The Actor was her sister.
The scene shifted... I'm an older man, a slave in what feels like Egypt. I am tiny with a ring of grey hair circling my bald head. I wear a fraying tunic as I crouch on the ground. I have done something wrong and a man is yelling and whipping me at my back. I do not feel pain in my body. It's more that I am watching it happen from both the inside and from a distance. I am inside this body yet I am an observer as well. I do not feel the pain of his anger or the lash. When it's over, I look up to see the Twin is the man who has beaten me.
In this present life, he's a bonafide genius who, despite the depth of our connection, often still intimidated me. He would try to assuage me, reminding me he was the same boy I knew, laid back and easy going and there was no reason for me to feel intimidated. It never helped but, having seen this lifetime, I understood the issue originated in another time, when there was valid reason for my feeling. Those reasons were no longer relevant, and I never felt that way again.
Vanessa asked me to focus on lives connected to Spouse. Previously he'd told me of a life he'd seen, in 1600's France, where he was a farmer on a horse and I was a woman of some higher station. I saw him immediately, but the image quickly morphed. He was still a young farmer, but younger and with different attire. It was fascinating to see the images he'd given to me, shift to those that came from me.
I am Thomas, his younger brother, and I am eighteen. The horse had knocked me over and I watched as spouse picked me up, swinging me on to the horse. I died not long after that. I was running through the woods. I fell and hit my head on a rock. I died instantly. As I left this body, I floated above and felt an overwhelming sense of confusion and disorientation. He did not understand what happened.
Rob is, and has been, my protector for many lives. It's a soul contract we have between us and from Thomas I understood, why there was this need for him to look after me. He was not able to do that as my older brother but the next life I saw gave him another opportunity.
I am Eleanor, married to Spouse. He is a successful businessman but it is not his passion. His heart is more artistic but his upbringing left no room for it. It is early 1900's, in a nice house in New York. We sit in a parlor listening to war updates on a radio. I know there are three children, a girl with a head full of swirling brown curls and my older son Eli is again my son but I can not see my other son. I can feel Eleanor wished she had done more, helped more somehow. She was surrounded by family, yet still felt she hadn't done enough with her life.
There were two more lives. One had Spouse, Actor and Twin all together as a band of teen-age boys. Their clothes are dark and worn through and they live in the streets, squatting in alleys or abandoned spaces. We stick together and look out for each other. I'm Joey. I'm smaller than everyone because I'm the youngest but I get by and I am never without my cap. There are 8 of us in the gang and Spouse is in charge, keeping us together and safe. Actor would come up with ideas for us to get food or money and Twin handled the logistics. Whatever crazy idea he came up with, Twin would find a way to make it work. I died in my sleep one night, cold and frozen in an alley. I'm unsure what lesson I was meant to learn here but, it seems clear that I am intrinsically connected to these men.
The last life I am shown is of Minerva, a black witch. She wants people to think she is good and will help them but, all she wants is power over them. She is very beautiful with long wavy blonde hair and a princess dress, complete with big puffy sleeves. There is a large black pot suspended over a fireplace and lots of small glass bottles with stoppers in them. I feel that desire for power inside her, like a constant need for something more. And when the townspeople hung her, I felt her strength and defiance. I admired her. Maybe we all have a bit of black magic in us...
I left my session with Vanessa feeling I had so much more to learn about these connections and I'm grateful to know there indeed were lifetimes spent with these men. They have helped me, even if that has been by pushing and shoving me down this road to learn more about who I am, who I have been and what I can become. There were times of love and sorrow and, now I know for sure, there are more lifetime are out there to explore.
