Shalom - Hola - Aloha... Have you ever tried to talk to someone when you don't speak the language?
It can be agonizingly frustrating. We often use hand gestures or speak more loudly, as if somehow this will help.
There can be silence, confusion and even the fear of sending the wrong message, all because we don't know how
to connect. And then... (hopefully) there comes a breakthrough. A connection, a sound or smell, perhaps even a few words...
In my life, I know I am blessed for so many reasons. Not the least of which is, I am not at risk of being murdered if I go out for a run or get stopped by the police. I've also made it to my 50s and, while I have watched many loved ones pass to the world of spirit, gratefully, there have only been a few of whom it could be said, "they left us too soon." My grandparents, along with many others in their generation, lived long full lives. All four danced at my wedding and met my older son, while three of them met both of my boys; their first great grandchildren. They, and so many others, were a wonderful influence on my life and I am grateful to be part of their legacy.
Among those who left us too soon are two beloved aunts and a dear cousin, all of whom succumbed to cancer, two friends who chose to take their own lives during times of great pain and sadness, and of course, Michael. My very dear friend who, upon his transition, became intensely involved in my life to ensure I moved onto my current life path. I am sure there have been others but, this recent loss, the transition of my twin to the world of spirit, has been different from any loss I have ever experienced.
And I knew connecting with him, if I were able to do it, would also be different from the communication I've had with so many others on the other side. I know he is near, his science mind trying to figure out how it all works, though at times I'd wonder if we're both simply too close to the dots and can't clearly see the full picture (google Georges Seurat's pointillism paintings and you'll understand what I mean.)
I am desperate to communicate, to hear from him and know he is okay. And beyond that, I have so many questions. I ask him to come through to one of the mediums at my development circle, but I know he's not ready, and perhaps neither am I. I struggle to heed the advice I share regularly with my own clients and try to be patient as I wait to hear from him but, the silence is almost too much for me to bear. And then, there is Lindsay... a talented medium, psychotherapist and a dear friend, who's been keeping an eye on me as I travel this path. Lindsay understands the pain in my heart and knows how badly I need to hear from him. One evening over dinner, I share with her that I do want him to come through, just not at our circle, I don't think I can handle it in such a public place without coming apart.
The next week, after our development circle ended, she quietly told me she'd felt a brief link to him.
"Mention the music, he said, but I already knew about that." she says.
"Tell me something I don't know about."
"Italian restaurant?" she says to me, looking unsure. "It's all he said so, I'm not really sure what it means" she admits as a small smile creeps across my face. Bingo!
The first time he and I met face to face as adults, after more than 30 years apart, he took me to lunch at a little Italian restaurant he liked. It was a tiny, hole-in-the-wall kind of place, and I can count on one hand the number of people who knew about that, and Lindsay wasn't one of them. That was it, that was all she got. I appreciated her discretion in bringing it to me after the circle had ended because, even as I confirmed the information, tears threatened to escape my eyes. Thanking her, I gave her
a quick hug and dashed for the door.
The following week, the Spiritualist Church (where the development circle is held) was welcoming a guest medium to share messages from spirit during the Sunday service.
I had never been to the Sunday Service. I just never felt the need. I've always felt
strongly connected to my Judaism and enjoy being involved in my synagogue. I love attending Friday evening Shabbat services (even enjoying the ones currently offered on Zoom) and I find the music to be uplifting and healing so, the Sunday service was never really on my radar. Plus, I didn't have a big interest in explaining to my mother why I was going to church. But this time, I strongly felt I was supposed to be there on Sunday.
I knew my twin was trying to come through.
The service was lovely and before the visiting medium began to give messages, they took a few moments and played Josh Groban's rendition of You Lift Me Up. It's an absolutely gorgeous piece and I can feel myself get lost in the words, every
time I hear it.
As soon as the music started, I felt him standing behind me, his hands placed gently on my shoulders. I melted in to the sensation and said nothing. When it was over the medium began. He gave a lovely message to my friend Lisa, from her mother, and another message for a gentleman sitting near me. I knew I was next. He turned to look at me and said, "There's a man in the spirit world, standing behind you with his hands on your shoulders, do you know that?" I nodded, still feeling the weight of his hands.
It was not a long message but he did share a few pieces of information I felt were significant and, as I noticed the pressure on my shoulders gently slipping away, the medium shifted to the energy or another spirit and my Nana stepped in. I knew she had come to open the door for him, and I was filled with gratitude and love for them both.
The next month, during a multi-day workshop for more advanced mediums, he came through again to two of the other students, though the information was still a bit general. Until finally, quite recently, during a seminar working with other skilled mediums from all over the world, he stepped in on four separate occasions, sharing detailed information about his life, our connection, and several key memories! To me, the evidence shared to identify him as the communicator, was irrefutable and there was not a doubt in my mind, the medium reading for me, was linked to him. That is (and should) always be the goal for a good medium.
Twins flames are a mirror to each other, reflecting and teaching so both can move forward along their path. During his time here on Earth, I felt a strong call to share with my twin, all that I was learning, both to pass on the information and also as a means of comprehending and integrating it better for myself. Now that he is on the other side, I see it differently and can understand how much he was teaching me as well.
Most importantly for me, he has been able to answer questions which have plagued me for years and helped me to understand our connection in a new way. I still want more. I can't help it. Like anyone who has lost a person of significance, I'd rather have him here, even though our relationship through spirit is much more harmonious than has been in a very long time.
He’s worked hard to learn this new way of communication and it has been fascinating to observe his progress during the now six months he has been gone. I am endlessly grateful for his efforts and I am curious to see what he will do next. For the moment, he shows me every day he is indeed still with me, and reminds me he always will be. It is a gift I cannot fully explain. It is a gift that has finally allowed my heart to begin to heal.