For two weeks I waited...
He'd texted me a few times but the new theme continued; sexual conquest and the "plans" he had for me upon his return...
sigh... it wasn't supposed to be like this... I just wanted to talk to the boy...
Unfortunately, the only way I knew how to do that was through him... the Energy Vampire.
The soul of the boy had stayed with me for almost a decade, waiting for me to re-open the metaphysical doors on my life. But WHY?? I had a thousand questions, I just wasn't sure how many hoops was I going to have to jump through to get to the answers.
In reality, the bigger issue was that all of this was happening while I was still reeling from my father's stroke, and the disastrous end of my relationship with Him. Any extra energy I was able to muster, I was using to support my mom as she dealt with her new reality.
My dad had always been larger than life to me. He was a doctor, an educator and even a National Champion weightlifter. He threw knives, did martial arts and knew exactly how to kick your ass before you'd even know what happened.
Now, he was in the stroke ward of the hospital and his time was filled with exercises and therapies which left him exhausted and frustrated by the day's end. But, we filled his evenings with take-out food from favorite restaurants and visits with the boys. We'd have dinner and the "rotten teenagers," otherwise known as my sons, would provide him with endless amounts of sass and snark. Sarcasm and teasing is the love language of my family and, while my father excelled in expressing his love, my boys, determined not to treat him like an invalid, were only too happy to show they'd inherited his expertise..
When he finally was able to go home, I would go over and hang out so my mom could get a break. She worried about leaving him in the house alone and, it was good for her to get out for a bit as well. Growing up, my dad and I were always close and I loved having the extra time with him. I'd bring over work or something to read but, we'd always end up talking about stuff or working on his exercises. His body had been wracked by this stroke but there was not a thing wrong with his mind and, he was just as sharp as ever. Thank God!
I will say that I've never laughed so hard in my life as watching my "I-can-handle-it" father, FROM HIS WALKER in the middle of the living room, swinging a broomstick while trying to kill a giant spider that was hanging out at the top of their Fourteen Foot walls!!
My mom had just gotten back and I was getting ready to leave when I saw this behemoth parked about the front door. Let me be very clear, I DON'T do spiders but I felt guilty about sneaking out and leaving my mom to deal with it herself so, I stayed to "help." Not big on spiders herself, her expert advice was for me to POKE IT with the broomstick! Yeah, ok sure....
By the time it was all over, we'd coated the room in toxic chemicals, drowned the thing with half a can of bug spray and beaten it into a pancake!
As much as I worried about my dad, it was really more my mom who concerned me. She insisted on doing pretty much everything herself and, as an empath, I could feel the fear, stress and frustration overwhelming her. I knew I could help people feel better by absorbing their negative energies and emotions into my own so, any time I was around my mom, I would absorb as much from her as I possibly could. Other than dad-sitting, it was something I could do to help because, I promise you I was ZERO help in the spider killing department!
I knew how to absorb her fear, anxiety, etc. but, I hadn't yet learned how to release the things I'd picked up, or even better, how to let them pass through me back to the earth. So, in the process of helping my mom, I was making myself sick. I was already so emotionally depleted, this just made it worse. I wasn't really sleeping or eating and had lost more than 12 pounds during the two weeks my dad had been in the hospital. It was the perfect set up for the Vampire's return because an emotionally depleted empath is easy to manipulate and control. The easier the target can be manipulated, the bigger the high for the vampire.
Energetic, or emotional, vampires are like parasites. They manipulate and control in order to evoke an emotional reaction and then they “feed off” the energy of those emotions. It's like a high for them. Empaths and highly sensitive people are often targeted by vampires because they feel emotions so strongly. Over time, these interactions can leave an empath emotionally and physically depleted, and unable to function.
He'd already been manipulating me through the cord (think energetic tether) he'd attached to the thumb ring I wore and, I often saw images in my mind or felt his presence, even though he was an ocean away. I was able to describe his room on the ship, I knew when he was awake, at sea or on land but in reality, our whole friendship had been one big manipulation. Every time I replied to a message or agreed to meet, it just strengthened the connection and gave him not only the rush he craved, but also more power to manipulate. I didn't understand, I had never been targeted by an energy vampire. Though I was familiar with the term, I had little understanding that this was the game we were playing. I just knew I needed him to connect with the boy.
He arrived back in Orlando on a Sunday evening and was due back at work on Monday so I had no expectation of hearing from him until he was over the jet lag. Maybe it had all been a joke tied to vacation? Like, "hey, I took a shot..?" I was hopeful I could redirect his focus back to our friendship. Either way, in order to connect with the boy, I was going to have to see him. To be honest, I was looking forward to seeing him. I enjoyed his company. I liked our talks, he challenged me, made me think about what I believed and I always came away with a desire for more. It was a textbook vampire play, I just didn't know it.
As a newly awakened empath, I was devouring anything I could get my hands on, books, websites, blogs, you name it. I felt like a starving person, consuming information as fast as I could digest it. Somehow, I missed the part about energy vampires and how they prey on empaths... But the truth is, everything that happens to us has a higher purpose in helping us learn the lessons we came here for. (Sure, I know that now...)
By Wednesday he texted and asked to meet. He asked what I was doing that day and what time my boys left for school, and the next thing I knew he was on my doorstep with coffee and a bottle of vodka. He knew I wouldn't drink before connecting with the boy, and certainly not at 8 in the morning! He claimed he brought it in case the energy got to be too much. Alcohol quieted the voices and dulled my ability to pick up on other people's energies and, vodka was my drink of choice. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or frightened that he remembered.
We sat on the couch for a while and he told me about his trip. For someone who'd never before traveled internationally, he seemed remarkably unimpressed with all he'd seen and done. This made me sad, though I couldn't put my finger on exactly why.
"Please, can I connect with the boy now?" I asked and he nodded.
My heart thundered in my chest. What if it didn't work? What if I couldn't do it and I'd waited all this time for nothing? It was now or never so, I took a breath and placed my hand on his heart. It couldn't have been more than a minute before I felt a warmth come over me, like someone had wrapped me in a blanket. He was there, I could see him! The same little toe-headed boy I'd seen before!
"Are you my son? The child I couldn't carry?" I couldn't bring myself to say the word abortion to him but, he just smiled at me and gave a single nod.
And then the question that had haunted me for years... "Can you please forgive me?"
He smiled again and my heart broke for this sweet child I never knew. It was never that I didn't want him. Quite the opposite! We had always talked about having three boys but, the risks for me, in carrying another child, were significant and I wasn't willing to take them. I felt I needed to protect the children who were already with me more than the one who was not. Yet here he was, looking just like any other child and so much like Eli did when he was a toddler!
Tears poured down my cheeks and I cried for a long time. Interestingly, both the boy and the vampire seemed willing to give me as much time as I needed... I the boy I loved him and how sorry I was that I wasn't able to meet him in person and be his mother. As long as I live, I will never forget what happened next. He brought his little face right up to mine, his button nose pressed against my own, and he said, "That's ok Mommy, I wasn't meant to be your human baby this time anyway. I just came to help you but you can still be my mommy if you want."
I had no words... I'm not even sure I had the capacity to breathe but he waited....
"Help me with what?"
"You'll see! You can do a lot more than just connect with guides. You just don't remember yet but you will. I will help you, don't worry!" And then, he was gone.
I couldn't move for a long time. The tears fell and I remember mumbling something like "I'm so sorry, please forgive me..." until finally, I was able to move away. I sat on the floor and tried to pull myself together.
To his credit, or perhaps because he really didn't care, the vampire asked me nothing about what I'd seen and I wasn't ready to share. Eventually we returned to more banal conversation and I finally got up and went to the kitchen for more coffee. He followed and, when I turned around to ask him something, he was there, right behind me. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me, hard. It actually wasn't the first time he'd kissed me. Years earlier, at a party, some drunken asshole made a pass at me and, in an effort to help the man save face before I decked him, the vampire stepped in. Declaring something to the effect of "not like that, like this..." he pulled the man off me and kissed me. It was not about passion, it was thankfully pretty benign, especially because his wife, and my friend, was sitting right behind him! He laughed it off, trying to defuse the situation and I thanked him for his chivalry, mostly because the drunk asshole was related our friends who were hosting the party and I didn't want to make a scene...
That guy was lucky #metoo wasn't yet a thing!
This... was NOT that. He was not kissing me as part of a rescue, this was all about power and conquest. He was a strong man and his always-intense energy completely overwhelmed me.
Arms pinned to my sides, he held me tight. I knew he wasn't going to hurt me but, I couldn't pull away either, so I waited. It ridiculous and stupid but, I knew he was recently divorced and I thought he was my friend. I didn't want to hurt him or make him angry. Typical empath...
When he released me, I looked deep into his eyes and told him how much I appreciated his friendship and how he'd tried so hard to help me heal the hole that had been left in my heart.
I thanked him profusely for helping me reconcile with my son but I couldn't give him what he wanted. I was not interested in an affair though I hoped we could continue working together.
With that, I'd committed a cardinal sin. I'd denied him what he asked for and refused to bend to his will... Energy vampires are only interested in manipulating what's easy. If you're going to think for yourself and not fall victim to the power of their suggestion, they're out.
We never spoke again and any attempts to contact him or communicate in any way, were met with either silence or open hostility. For the second time in my life, I watched someone I trusted and cared for, turn walk away without a single word.
The rejection was complete, the silence deafening, and I was powerless to stop the hole in my heart, as it ripped open all over again.