It continued to niggle at me... I am the boy, I am the boy...
Finally, in a meditation, he came to me. He couldn't have been more than three and, he skipped in a circle around me, blonde hair flapping along, singing "I am the boy-oy... I am the boy-oy..."
And then, the information came raining down, as if I had tossed a large pile of paper into the air. Images, words, pieces of a thought or a memory, began falling all around me. Little bits of a "something" each placed onto what seemed like pieces of transparency film. Now, all I had to do was figure out how to put all the layers together...
It had been several months since He left and the hole in my heart had finally begun to feel a bit less jagged and raw. And, at least this gave me something else to focus on.
I sat there, on the floor of my bedroom, amidst an invisible pile of information snippets, trying again and again to understand. And then it hit me like a bulldozer.
He was THE Boy, MY boy!
More than a decade ago, an unexpected pregnancy put me in the position of having to make the most difficult decision of my life. Doctors told me, in no uncertain terms, after the birth of our second son, that having another child would put my life at serious risk. Having had an emergency c-section with Eli, and another, very complicated one, with Dylan, my husband and I ultimately decided our obligation was to the two children already here.
In my heart, I felt I'd made the right decision, but I also knew that, letting myself feel too much into it would send me back into depression. The best thing for me was to put it out of my mind and move on with my life. So, I never let myself think about it and I never grieved the loss. Months earlier, after I'd felt inexplicably compelled to share the story with Him, I sat in my car, in the parking lot of the Millennia Mall, and watched as the soul of my unborn child, literally lifted up out of my chest and left my body. A sweet infant's face, surrounded by glowing white baby-shaped light, stopped in front of me and perched on the dashboard just long enough for me to understand... The baby I had given up was a boy, I was looking at the soul of my unborn son!
It was all I could do to keep breathing and not completely freak out! The child I aborted was somehow back! He came to me as I was connecting with the spirit guides of someone else. Every thought in my head was filled with fear and anguish. Was he back to haunt me? Was he angry? Did he hate me? I could barely breathe as question after question filled my mind and there was literally no one I could turn to.
Who the hell would believe me anyway?!
The Vampire... I was connected to him, to his guides, when the boy came through! He had proven himself to be a trusted friend through the previous month so, I reached out. Silence.
I knew he was leaving on a trip to Europe in just a few days and would be gone for several weeks. I couldn't wait that long! I felt like I was losing my mind! I had to talk with him before he left! I had to try and connect with the boy once more and the only way I knew how to do that, was to do what I did before, connecting with him through the Vampire.
But there was only more silence...
I did not yet understand the Energy Vampire/Empath dynamic. I had heard of energy vampires. I mean, we all have those people who seem to just drain the energy out of us, right? But true energy vampires are different. It's like they get a high off it. Setting you off balance, putting you on edge, manipulating you in ways you might not even see... Every time you do what an energy vamp wants, for them, it's like taking that hit, that shot, and getting that high. They get off on the thrill of the chase, and the game can go on for years, leaving an empath feeling drained, depressed, and too often, at the edge of a breakdown. Because empaths feel so much, preying on them is easy pickings. Small effort and small risk, for what can be a big energy sucking reward for the vampire.
It was clear there wouldn't be time to connect with him before he left. Whatever this was, it was going to have to wait. I would need to do more research on Spirit Guides and find other ways to contact them. I had always done it by placing my hand on the other person's heart chakra but, there had to be another way.
He texted, finally, on his way to the airport. I was so relieved to see his name pop up on my phone, until I read the text. In one text he changed the game completely and I had already lost before I even knew what was happening. We were no longer talking about Spirit Guides or metaphysics. Suddenly, he was talking about sex, seduction and the "plans" he had for me upon his return. The ring on my thumb began to vibrate. The same ring he'd put his energy into at our first meeting, and I felt it like a climbing vine, wrap around my wrist and curl up my arm to my shoulder. What the fuck!?
The energy connection was as strong as my connection to Him but, that was more free flowing energy, moving back and forth between us. This felt more like a strait jacket. He was a big man and I felt his energy all around me, as if he were standing right next to me, holding me in place, even though I knew he was at the airport.
I chided him about crossing a line and using "vacation rules" as justification for his behavior but he was undeterred. He'd always been flirty and charming but never inappropriate. This was altogether different and images he sent to my mind left me feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable. He had something I wanted, something I needed, and he knew it. I needed him to help me connect with the boy and now, he had me. I was trapped. There was nothing to do for the next two weeks, except wait.