Enter The Vampire

July 27, 2018

It became clear that my relationship with Him was more than a normal connection, even for someone with whom you may be very close.  It was also clear we were getting dangerously close to a place that was not appropriate for married people, especially if they're not married to each other.  Though it was different from what I felt for my husband,  the love we felt for each other was deep and real.  But, there were lines neither of us were willing to cross.  

The intensity of our link pre-occupied my thoughts and, to be honest, it was the happiest I had felt in a long long time.  There was a sense of peace and comfort.  And, I felt joy in my soul, in a way I'd never before experienced.  But I needed some answers... 

I needed to understand what was happening, and I continued to ask why I could feel him so strongly.  Why did we seem to have this profound emotional connection and intense closeness?  How was it that I was so extraordinarily connected to this man?  .  It was time for some research and, since Google knows all, that's where I started.  Link by link, I wove my way through a series of websites, all with fascinating information, until finally, there it was; 

The Twin Flame connection. 

 

Twin who now?

 

"Twin flames are our perfect mirrors.  Relationships with twin flames tend to be on-again-off-again, intensely passionate, and sometimes intensely painful.  Twin flames help us awaken like nobody else, and they ultimately serve to show us who we really are."

 

    You may be dealing with a twin flame if:

    You are inexplicably and intensely drawn to them.     

    You feel as though you know them, even if you just met.     

    They open you to a new way of thinking.

    You exchange ideas, beliefs, religion, etc and you feel "awakened" because of their love.     

    They come in and out of your life, as though your connection is too intense to consistently

    be together.     

    They feel like home, you sense that you've known them before and there is a deep feeling

    of familiarity between you.     

    They bring about a lot of intense transformation in your life, sometimes painfully so.     

    Your bond is instantaneous, and your relationship moves very quickly.     

    You "click" as though you've one another forever.     

    The more you get to know about them, the more absolutely in love you are.     

    Though you experience incredible passion for this person, there is an equal amount of worry

    and uncertainty, causing you to ask yourself, is this really love, or really what you want for

    your life.     

    You are each other' teachers, best friends, and therapists, because you have such a deep,

    layered connection.     

    It can also be tumultuous as you feel constantly pulled back to them.   

    Your twin flame is there to show what needs to be healed within you.     

    One is more soulful and the other more practical.     

    You are connected, you can feel what they're feeling, or know what they're thinking.     

    It is as though you are one, your soul recognizing one it's known before.


    As different as you are, you still have many fundamental things in common.  You may have     been born on the same day or you may have met on a significant date.  Maybe you both   

    went to the same kind of school or lived in the same place.  One or two things could be 

    coincidence but, with a twin flame, you'll probably have many overlapping similarities.

 

Holy shit, are we twins?! 
In a way, it all made sense...  We checked all of those boxes...  He is a few years older than I am but we share a birthday.  We went to school together and, in his quiet way, he always looked out for me.  He moved to LA a few years before we did yet we never connected there and, when we moved back to the east coast, his job took him east as well. 

 

I learned that, often one Twin will stay behind in spirit, to watch over the other during their lifetime. But, when they do incarnate together, they are often drawn to each other.  Even if they don't seek each other out, they often unknowingly move in similar circles or live near one another.  The connection is often too volatile for them to stay in relationship together, unless they are both on the same spiritual path and are committed to growing together. 

 

That was not going to be us.  We live states away, both married, and both have children. 
As curious as we were about what was happening between us, neither wanted to risk our homes or families.  I was waking up, I knew a huge shift was coming my way and I was hungry for as much knowledge as I could get.  He, on the other hand was a science-mind.  An inventor, a researcher and one of the more brilliant people you may ever meet.  Aware that there is more to the Universe and both curious about and comfortable with Quantum Physics.  But the other parts, the psychic connection, my ability to know his thoughts and feel his feelings, or remote viewing (to see through his eyes or see where he is, what he's doing etc) were sometimes hard to digest.  For me as well. 

 

Michael, the Instigator, realized he could use me and my skills to get his message to Paul.*   But it was taking too long.  He needed me to move forward faster, he needed me to discover and understand my abilities, my possibilities more rapidly than information was currently coming.  So, six months after his passing, Michael sent a dream that woke Him up and caused Him to reach out to me.  Michael sent "him" because he knew He was the Twin... 

In the end it was all too much, too much intense emotion and too much potential for collateral damage.  The relationship had to end.  It ended as it started, in a text message.  And, for feeling closer to him than I had ever felt to anyone else in the world, we had still yet to be face to face.  Our entire relationship had been via text, email or phone.  It had been thirty some years since we'd seen each other and, for the foreseeable future, that was how it would stay.

Feeling that loss, the end of that connection, felt like something died inside me.  I could not sever the cords between us and I continued to feel him every day.  Even as I knew we needed to part, I could not seem to break the link.  I mourned this as a death, and the depression that followed was just as intense as our connection had been... 

 

Again, I was plunged into the depths of the darkness.  Once more, I had to consciously choose to open my eyes each morning, choose to take the next breath.  It took months.  There were days I couldn't get out of bed, and there were days spent (literally) under the bed.  Thoughts of leaving, of being out of pain, came too often.  But, not like this...  And, in the end it was my children who saved me.  I didn't want them to know I was drowning in the darkness, that every day, every breath, took all the strength I had.  I had finally come to the bottom of my darkness, and it gave me a place to begin climbing back to the light.

 

Enter the vampire...  I was so broken.  I was working every day to  rebuild myself and grow my skills and had asked my guides to send someone else I could work with.  He was a man I had known for years, our kids grew up together and we moved in similar circles.   He came as a friend, but he wasn't. He was looking for information as a newly awakened soul, and could I help him...?  My guides told me to trust him but everything inside me said no. 
Something about it just didn't feel right.

 

 

*See Don't Let Me Die Where The Bodies Are Buried
Many websites were used for the description of Twin Flames but much came from www.thoughtcatalog.com 

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